The days leading up to my amputation were filled with fears, worries and tears. My whole family struggled through this time as we did not really know how life would be after the amputation. I can honestly say though in the midst of the hardest thing I have ever faced God made His presence known. When the waves of fear of the future would come, the truths of God’s Word became my rock and strength. I could give numerous examples of how God used His people to remind me of His love and plan for my life. Trusting is really hard and uncomfortable at times because it is completely letting go. But oh how sweet it is to see how God takes over and is ALWAYS good. My husband Jared and I say it hasn’t been easy but we wouldn’t trade this because God has made Himself known to us in ways that we wouldn’t have experienced otherwise. I have been reminded many times that it’s not just about me and what I am going through. God is using this trial to strengthen my whole family, my precious children, my friends and the people I meet. There is a bigger picture and it is neat to see glimpses of that coming about.
I started a countdown till the day of my surgery. I would wake up and think, okay only sixteen days away till I lose my leg, and then it was down to eight days then six. Finally the day was here. Jared and I were driving to the hospital for the big day as a sudden fear came over me. What if I wasn’t strong enough to go through this? God had made His presence so evident and real to me in times past as I faced each surgery but what if He didn’t this time? In those times of fear and anxiety with previous surgeries God would send scripture to my mind, provide a nurse to sing to me and flood me with His peace and presence to show me that I am not alone and He’s with me. Just as soon as the doubt came that day God spoke truth to my heart to remind me that He is Faithful. He cannot not be, that is who He is! He will be faithful to keep His promises of never leaving me and providing all I need because that is who He is. What peace and assurance! I talked with Jared about this and he said something that has stuck with me, “Stephanie, your faith is not in yourself but in God”. What relief this is, I don’t have to try and muster up enough strength or will power to get through this but simply rest in my Savior and let Him carry me through.
As I prepared for surgery God’s love filled the waiting room. He used His people once again to minister to me. The prayers, support and encouragement from so many have blessed me beyond words. Jared, my sister, my mom and dad were together with me in the pre-op room right before surgery. I know this was just as hard on them leading up to the surgery day and now facing the reality of it all. But, we were sure that whatever challenges we would face that we could get through it because our hope and strength was in Christ. One of the thoughts I had was how it would be when I woke up and my leg was gone. My sister and Jared were there when I woke up from surgery. I remember asking the nurse if my leg was gone and she said yes. The sheets were pulled back and I saw it for myself. I was relieved and glad that it was over. We could move on now. Jared talked to me and loved on me and assured me everything would be okay. And it has been okay. The things I had feared and been concerned about God took care of and showed up in such powerful ways. He is faithful and will always be faithful!
Click on the above link for a video Jared put together the morning of my surgery until the day I came home from the hospital.